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Parent-child communication mode determines the relationship between future children and society

Source of information: Time: 2020-02-21 02:13:00

Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream

The relationship between children and society is a projection of their relationship with their parents. How parents face their children, how their children will face this society in the future. In the process of getting along with parents, the most important point is the mode of parent-child communication. To put it plainly, do parents and children talk well?
We all know the wonderfulness of language. When facing the same thing, the different responses of parents directly reflect the choice of education methods, and different education methods also reflect the different qualities of parent-child relationships. There are four common ways to respond. Let ’s take a look together. Which one or more response modes do you usually use when chatting with your child? What are the effects of different response modes on your child?
01 resonance interactive type
This is the ideal situation. When the child is happy, the parents also smile from the heart; when the child is crying, the parents are also sad with him; the parents can emotionally resonate with the child and can give positive responses and attention. Such children are more likely to resonate with the people around them, have good empathy, and have a sense of presence.
02 "Mother-centered" type
Common scenarios, for example, when the baby smiles at the mother first, the mother does not respond; but if the mother actively teases the baby and the baby laughs, the mother laughs. In this relationship, the baby seems to be a mother's toy. How to tease and react must be in the same way as the mother likes to meet the mother's requirements.
Only the mother is the initiator of the behavior. The baby must respond to the mother's expectations. This is the formation of a "false self". Such children may have good social functions when they grow up, and they will have excellent work and study, but they will not be able to integrate into the society and have no real close relationship with others. Therefore, they will refuse to establish contact with others and close themselves. Lai Yue Zhai.
03 Irreactive
For example, the child caught a grasshopper and showed it to her mother excitedly. As a result, the mother immediately said, "Your hands are dirty, go wash your hands." Then her response is completely unrelated to the child's attention. This kind of response mode is "irrelevant response type". If children often get unrelated responses from their parents, they will have a great sense of emptiness and are always very anxious. Such children are difficult to form even a "false self" and often do not exist. In pain, it's like being abandoned.
Children growing up in this kind of environment will find it difficult to quiet down and get along with themselves. They always need someone to accompany them. In intimate relationships, they always want to know where the other party is and what they are doing in real time.
04 Emotions You Transform
The following is a typical "emotional reverse transformation" dialogue between parents and children. The child said, "Mom, I saw a puppy downstairs, it was so cute and I would shake hands with people!" The mother responded and said, "Don't touch it! What to do if he has an infectious disease. Someone used to raise a dog to get an infectious disease. In the end, he even cut the liver!" For another example, the child said, "I will go to the big city to work hard after graduation Fan! "Her mother responded," How cruel the competition is in big cities. I read in the newspaper that even Dr. cannot find a job. "
The biggest characteristic of "emotional reverse transformation" parents is that they often turn good things into bad things, and turn the atmosphere of ease and joy into an atmosphere of depression and pain. This has the worst impact on children.
If parents grow up in an "irrelevant reaction" and "emotional reversal" environment, it will be difficult to have a natural and plentiful emotional response with their children, but at least the parents can consciously perceive their own reaction patterns and improve by changing themselves Parent-child relationship. For example, a child runs home with sweat and tells his mother that today ’s game was won. If the mother ’s response is “your clothes are dirty”, it ’s irrelevant. If the mother ’s response is “just play hard, learn how I haven't seen you work so hard ", it is an emotional transformation.
If the parent ’s response to the child is similar to these two, then next time you can try to confirm the feeling after seeing the child ’s feelings. For example, you can say to the child: “Mom is very happy to see you, You must be very excited at that time! "Parents should respond positively to the child's joy and happiness; parents must also actively confirm the child's sadness and sadness. Some parents, out of their anxiety, when they see their children have negative emotions, they want their children to stop immediately and quickly turn their attention to other places.
This approach may be effective, but the child's energy will be blocked, and the long-term suppression of the child's normal emotional discharge will cause the child's psychological problems. The best practice for parents is not to suppress, not to disturb, and quietly accompany the child to complete self-emotional healing. If the child needs parental intervention, the parent can give confirmation and encouragement: "Mom is very sad to see you, she wants to cry, and it is good to cry, and she will stay with you."
Of the four response modes, we encourage parents to communicate with their children in the first mode, but if you are in the latter three modes when communicating with your parents, then you, a parent, must accept a glorious and arduous task Now: Establish a positive response relationship with your child and stop letting the child experience their own pain. What kind of communication mode parents and children establish, what kind of relationship mode children will repeat in the future, and the mode of communication between parents and children will also be affected by their parents, so love children, start from healing their injuries, this is also Part of parental self-cultivation.

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