Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream
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I don't know if you will too: you are busy with your life every day, but your heart is empty. Those who seem lazy and inferior to you, life seems to be going smoothly, but you, no matter how hard you work, can't become what you expect.
In fact, your pain, anger, or depression often arises because you fail to recognize yourself.
A few days ago I received a letter from a reader saying:
"I'm almost 30 this year. I have a wealthy family. I have studied piano since childhood. I also love cooking when I look up. Pastry is my strength. I consider myself excellent, but I have been in four love relationships for less than half a year. Just broke up. The most recent period was exotic, with a three-hour jet lag. I always hope that he can accompany me according to my time, but he often says that he is sleepy and gradually impatient. He feels that I never change for him. Tired, so break up.
Later, why did I call and cry and begged him, he didn't want me anymore. I don't understand. I love him so much. For almost half a year, he is my life apart from work. I send him messages and videos whenever I have time. I share everything with him as soon as possible. But he ... it must be that he didn't love me enough, and it must be that I loved him too much to scare him away.
I have been single for 5 years and have been working with my blind date at home. But the results were often unsatisfactory. The parents didn't understand their own preferences. I once introduced a big 6-year-old fat man, and I left my head on the spot. In the past 5 years, I have tried to contact a lot of people, but in the end I left them alone. Family background, education, hobbies, looks, there is always a disappointment. I don't think I can, but to be honest I don't know who is right for me.
I often worry about why I ca n’t meet someone who truly loves me? I'm in pain every day now and don't know what to do. Thank you ~ "
In fact, this is also a common problem in many people's lives: I am pretty good, why is it always me? Or, I know my ability is not bad, why are all the others who got promoted and raised in the end? I am easy going, why is it always me who is isolated? and many more……
When one day we suddenly realized that life was not what we wanted, things were not smooth, and we were everywhere excluded. Maybe it's time to stop and think about it, is it because you have n’t been able to confirm yourself, or are others lacking in vision?
Many times, the reason for our blind self-confidence and complaints is that we can't clearly identify ourselves, we don't know who we are, and we don't understand what suits us.
You are your stranger. This is really scary.
Back to the girl who wrote the letter, her "well" is actually "I think".
I feel that I am excellent in all aspects, and most people don't deserve me.
I think my boyfriend left me because I love him too much.
I felt that my family didn't understand me, so I looked for unreliable people ...
However, can it be that her goodness is actually just self-imagination? In fact, her boyfriend left because her desire to control was too strong, and her uncompromising love was actually just an escape from reality.
Want to find a man who is unconditionally petted, but just immature, and want to continue to let go of his own waywardness?
A lot of distress lies in the fact that we think too high of ourselves, and we clearly blame others for running our lives.
Such ambiguous self-awareness will certainly cause trouble to one's life because of the gap between reality and expectations. In severe cases, it can also lead to pessimism and depression.
So how do we recognize ourselves? Self-observation, evaluation of others, and social practice are three important ways to know yourself.
1. Self-observation. That is to know their various physical and mental states and interpersonal relationships, that is, physical self, psychological self and social self.
For example, your appearance, personality, hobbies, and relationships with others include your external image and your inner self. In the process of self-knowledge, it is accompanied by emotional experiences, such as pride, self-confidence, or low self-esteem caused by height and appearance. And, in the process, do we have a purpose and consciously regulate and control our behaviors and ideas.
2. Know yourself through the evaluation of others. “当局者迷，旁观者清”，在他人的评价中我们可以从更多角度了解自己，但也需要冷静客观地分析这些评价，以便我们从多角度来认识自己。 As the saying goes, "the authorities are obsessed, the onlookers are clear." In the evaluation of others, we can understand ourselves from more perspectives, but we need to analyze these evaluations calmly and objectively so that we can understand ourselves from multiple perspectives.
3. Get close to yourself through practice. If a person closes himself, he is like a frog at the bottom of the well. By doing various things and participating in various activities, he can see his performance and ability more clearly, and continuously improve in reflection and grasp himself. In addition, you can also talk to yourself through reading, journaling, travelling, etc., and stay close to the one in your heart.
Someone once asked Socrates, "What is the hardest thing in the world?" The answer was, "Know yourself." People are unique and complex. Each person's personality is multifaceted, but their degree and influence are different.
What people are most afraid of is that they don't even know themselves, and forget to stop and listen to their inner voices occasionally.
Only if you first understand yourself more clearly and have a more accurate and comprehensive understanding of yourself, can you appropriately evaluate yourself and find your position, so that you will not be far away, and you will not often feel lost and lonely.
I wish you all the best, happy and peaceful ~
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