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Core tip: Montessori emphasizes the responsibility of parents for their children's early development. This is not just because the child was born by the parent, but the duty of nature given to the parent, but the parent must not have complete control over the child. .
The child's development is to construct himself through self. Only when the parent's approach can help the child's self-construction, should it be considered legitimate.
"Mothers give their babies only life, and babies have to rely on themselves to become adults. Parents' recognition of this unusual ability of a child does not mean that they reduce the authority of their parents. As long as parents can realize that they are not children, Builders, but just 'partners' in the construction process, then they can fulfill their responsibilities more perfectly. This, in a broad sense, means that their help to children is more valuable. If this kind of help is given to children in an appropriate way, children will grow up healthy. Therefore, the authority of parents does not come from serious faces, but from the help they can give their children. This is the true great authority and dignity of parents . "Parents' responsibility is to take care of the children and awaken each child's inherent ability to guide, so that children can gain the ability to develop their own. If parents want to help their children, they should follow their children's growth and learn from their children what they should do. "The development of this newcomer 'child' follows the laws of nature. Everything he will happen is beyond our control. This is not a question of whether we should help him. Unfortunately, we always have a concept that we have shaped us. Children must do all of this for them, and ignore what the child has given us. ” Therefore, parents must also play a role such as a“ keen observer ”, pay close attention to the child's development process, and always maintain a sober mind , Timely detection of the arrival of children's sensitive period, and provide necessary assistance to children in a timely manner.
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Nature empowers children to develop themselves. If parents want to assist children, they must study what the children themselves want to do. Because "there is too much knowledge and wisdom in children, if we still can't benefit from it, it's because we are not humble ourselves enough to see the children's wonderful heart and learn what children can teach us. Erik H. Erikson (1902-1994), a famous American psychoanalyst, was an early loyal fan of Montessori. He emphasized that this kind of growth is just a kind of growth that parents must experience. . "In the development of children, parents are constantly facing challenges. Therefore, they must grow up with their children. Just as parents manage babies, children also manage adults and promote them to grow." Parents want Growing up with children, we must learn how to observe children, appreciate children, accept children, and have fun from them. The key to all this depends on whether the parent is willing to accept the child's slow pace and believe in the child's inherent strength. For adults who are highly efficient and pursue goals, it seems easy. It is very difficult to really do not interfere with the children's slow efforts!
At this point, the parent's role is "maintainer of children's concentration." As Montessori puts it, "For adults, there is a natural law, which is" the law of maximum benefit. "This makes the adult used to using the most direct means to achieve his goal in the shortest time. Children spend a lot of time with little effect, and when he can finish the same thing quickly and cleanly, he can't help but want to help the child. In this way, every idea of the child will be influenced by the adult Obstruction. Adults are angry with children, not only because they think that everything they do is useless, but also because children's actions and behaviors are completely different from them. "The fact is that for those at this stage of development For children, everything they volunteer to do is a feat. But from an adult's point of view, children's favorite things are really weird, trivial and useless, and difficult to understand. "When a child saw the tablecloth slanted, he began to figure out how the tablecloth should be laid, and tried to slowly straighten it. When a child wanted a comb to comb his hair, the adult was not only happy with this valuable idea Instead, he accused him because the adult felt that he could not comb his head quickly, and he could not satisfy himself. Only he could comb the child fast and well, so the adult quickly helped him to do it. .The child originally wanted to make a happy attempt, but what he saw was that the adult picked up the comb and walked forward, and insisted that he must comb his hair. For the child, the adult is a powerful giant. It's no use arguing with adults. The same thing happens when adults see children trying to wear clothes or laces. "
Adults are always self-righteous, constantly urging and forcing their children to do things, depriving them of opportunities for natural growth again and again. American novelist Dorothy C. Fisher, who is also a mother, has studied in Europe with Dr. Montessori, and is vividly described in her book "Montessori-like Mother" The situation where children are urged to do things. Based on her own experience with her child, she pointed out that it was simply "pulling the child in a hurry to live". Montessori believes that "if adults want to provide children with the correct guidance, they must be calm, slow and respectful of children, so that children can see the full details of adult movements. If adults do not give up their habits, Always help the child complete what he should have done at a rapid and powerful pace. Then instead of inspiring the child, he imposes his fast pace on the child, and replaces the child with the power of suggestion. The right of children to grow independently. " The role of parents should be" counselors for the natural growth of children. "In order to ensure the positive development of children, parents must prepare a suitable family environment for the children. At the same time, the role of parents also becomes Prepared for children's learning environment. The home that children need must be "a place that is beautiful and not polluted or dominated by external needs. There, rich and generous love without any return in return; there, adults should abandon their usual behavior; there, we You can feel that it is not competition that sustains life; there, we finally realize that defeating others is not the secret of survival, and self-restraint seems to be the true meaning of life. "
Providing such a sheltered environment for children is, for adults, a parental mission. "Actually, a baby grows up through his surroundings. If he wants to learn to speak, he has to live with someone who speaks this language, otherwise he won't learn. To get special mental ability, he must also With people who often use these abilities. In short, children must interact with people around them to learn the etiquette, habits, and customs of their group. "" They learn and absorb the surrounding environment and become part of the environment, just Like insects fused with the vegetables on which they depend. The surrounding environment impressed children too much, causing them to undergo physical or psychological chemical changes, and eventually their mental condition became compatible with the surrounding environment. Similar. "For children, such an environment is necessary for their full potential to develop. Because children not only live in the environment, but also make the environment a part of themselves through various experiences in the environment. In fact, various organisms in nature have this ability to absorb and adapt to the environment and converge with it.