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Why are Chinese parents so tired of raising their children? Seven reasons, how many do you get?

Public number: Admissions Source: Time: 2020-02-21 01:55:36

Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream

Storytelling He Long

您会怎么回答? Moms and dads, if you have a question, you are required to answer honestly: " Do you feel tired after raising a child? " How would you answer? 不累,很愉快。 但我们也确实听闻过各种各样的累:累成狗了! The sincere parents themselves answered: " Not tired, very happy. " But we did hear all kinds of tiredness: tired into a dog! Tired to become a yellow-faced woman! Tired to regret having children ! Tired couples can't wait to quarrel every day!

太难带了In the past, there were more children and fewer parents, and the whole family was poor. Parents were busy with their livelihood, and their children grew up day by day. Now, with fewer children and more parents, conditions have improved. Why is this?

Chinese parents are tired of raising baby, which are mainly reflected in these 7 aspects:

01

Expect too much for children

In most Chinese families with children, children are the center of the center. Parents turn around their children all day and plan for their children. They never give birth, are born, go to kindergarten, go to elementary school, middle school or high school, until they go to college, work with their children, get married, buy a house, and have their own children. .

This period is all kinds of worry, all kinds of comparisons, all kinds of choices, all kinds of tangles, all kinds of hard work, all kinds of power failures, all kinds of hopes, all kinds of discouragements, all kinds of knowing today, all kinds of regrets, often It is because the child is old and he is old, and then he has various expectations of giving back to the child and honoring the parent.

For so many decades, how can we not be tired?

The root cause of this tiredness is that parents' expectations of their children are too high, including the expectations of the child's own development and the expectations of the children's return to their parents.

Expectations are so high, not only parents, but also children. But why should we expect so much from our children? Isn't it good that he can become an independent, autonomous and happy adult?

If parents can look away from this, put aside all expectations of the child's external fame, care about the peace and contentment of the child and the parents themselves, childcare life will be much easier.

02

Too many people other than parents

We often see that parents abroad can push a baby stroller, hold one in their arms, and hold one in their hands. Two or even one person can bring a small team of children.

The typical scene of a Chinese family is a team of people, with a baby, parents, and grandparents to serve, and even a nanny and aunt carrying big bags for logistical support. Catch up with the emperor on tour.

We might as well make an analogy. A small family is like a company. Originally, the parents should be wholly-owned shareholders, the highest responsible persons, and have decision-making power in various matters.

However, many families have accepted various "investments" from their elders-subsidizing the purchase of a house, waiting for confinement, helping a baby, etc., so the grandmother, grandfather, grandfather, grandmother own the family or More or less ownership becomes the "shareholder".

As shareholders, they must express their opinions and participate in decision-making, and some also require themselves to have "one vote of veto". Such a governance structure makes the simple family affairs extremely complicated. How can the parents who are the head of the family not be tired?

Even worse, some parents do not even guarantee the status of the head of the family. Their own family affairs need to be determined by their parents, so everyone is laborious and conflicted.

03

Comparison is too heavy

The other children are in various tutoring classes. Should we go? If not, will the child lose on the starting line?

Other children are eating hundreds of barrels of foreign milk powder. If we do n’t eat it, will it affect the development of the child?

Other children are wearing name brands and big names. If we do n’t buy them, will they be poor jokes?

Others, others, others ... In the eyes of quite a lot of parents, I see too many others all the time. What they do and how they do it, they often take what they do and how they do as guidelines and guidelines.

You have to look at others all the time, and you have to work hard to keep up, so as not to fall behind, so how can you not be anxious and tired?

However, others are others, we are us, and we have our own principles, our own choices, and our own ways of acting. Why should we follow others?

I believe that parents can look at this, and the labor and labor on the way of childcare will save a lot.

04


Crazy guessing idioms

Too much involvement in child affairs

Parents want to do their best for their children, but often too much involvement in the child's affairs, training children from infancy to the majority.

The child goes to school and helps to carry school bags and keep homework. When the child writes the homework, mom and dad accompany and stare. What tasks are assigned by the teacher, often because the child hasn't figured out what to do. Helping the child do it. Not to mention staring at the children eating, dressing, bathing, and going to the toilet.

In this way, the children who are "cared for" have almost only two things in class and interest classes. They can neither develop the ability to learn independently nor develop the ability to live independently, so parents have to take care of them all the time. Waiting, waiting, tired.

Only by cultivating children's independence from an early age, including independent living, independent learning, independent reading, and independent emotions, can parents be truly relaxed. This is not for laziness, but for the child to truly grow up as an independent individual and become a better self.

05

Information overload and lack of opinion

Chinese parents are tired of raising children. In addition to the reasons mentioned above, there is another one that is not so obvious, but the reason for existence is that they are exposed to too much information, but they lack ideas on how to raise children.

When I saw that my child needed prenatal education, I hurried to learn to do prenatal education. When I saw that my child needed early education, I hurried to take my child to various early education classes. When I saw that my newborn needed swimming, I took my baby Go to the baby swimming pool; when you see that the child needs to make up for this, he hurriedly buy it for the child.

A lot of time and energy is spent collecting as much information as possible, and then running along with it.

——我们其实并不需要那么多的信息,更重要的是通过自主的阅读、学习,形成自己的“主见”——我知道什么样的方法是好的,我知道自己该怎么做,我知道自己的哪些做法要坚持,哪些方法要调试。 There is a certain degree of "break-off" in parenting life -we don't actually need so much information, and more importantly, form our own "suggestions" through autonomous reading and learning-I know what methods Yes, I know what to do, I know what I want to do, and what I need to debug.

In this way, it does not need to be shocked and overwhelmed by overloaded information, and can adopt a concise, effective, and constant way in childcare. The whole process will be much simpler and easier.

06

Dad is too involved

There is a very sharp statement called "widowed childcare", which refers to the situation that the father does not participate in childcare and the absence of children to grow up.

Dad is not involved in bringing children. It is the mother's business to bring children. I am afraid that this is the norm in many Chinese families. It is also an important reason why many mothers find it difficult to bring children.

Parents take the baby together, sharing the specific work in childcare, and discussing various issues about the child, reaching a consensus, and then acting together.

The benefits of this are that the workload can be reduced through sharing, and that the child and the parent can establish a close relationship. Of course, more importantly, the parent's joint companionship allows the child's psychology and personality to develop more Healthy and sound.

07

Consumption is not rational, causing excessive economic pressure

The last and most unavoidable reason for raising children is financial pressure. Some parents unilaterally believe that they must do their best to give their children the best, and that their consumption is not rational enough, causing excessive economic pressure.

There is a case like this: An ordinary working-age father spent 700 yuan to buy a skirt for his three- or four-year-old daughter. A skirt of 700 pieces, of course, is likely to be of good quality and design, and it may indeed be very beautiful for children.

However, parents do n’t consider their own affordability, so blindly consume, and how long can they persist, how can they not feel the pressure?

As the saying goes, "a child has ten acres of land", it is not hard to say that it is not hard to raise a child from a small baby who has fallen to the ground, but hard work does not mean stress and exhaustion. We've seen parents who are too tired to bring their children, and many parents who feel more relaxed and happy with their baby.

Tired of raising children? It still depends on how parents choose.

If parents can remove the factors that make childcare life exhausting, I believe that raising children will become a very pleasant, beautiful and relaxed life journey.

Article Source : Must Read for Excellent Parents

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