Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream
Text 丨 Zi Xun Li
Original title: "The relationship with children is greater than education" On a show with Zhu Mingying, she brought her boy, 18 years old, very sunny, smart and sensible. I asked, "We all know that you are a single mother. How did you educate such a good child?" Zhu: "I don't think it should be educated. It was born. My father and I are more cheerful people. "The host asked:" The education of single children will be a problem, how do you overcome it? "Zhu:" Don't try to educate him may be a better education, because educating children is based on their own values, not necessarily Suitable for children. "I:" If you think there is an idea that allows you to get along with your child, what is it? "Zhu:" Build a good relationship with your child. "The host asked:" What is good? "Zhu: "A relationship of mutual trust, respect, appreciation, and trust."
A good education will be reflected in a good relationship. A good family does not need to educate deliberately. Children know how to do it in a good relationship. Therefore, it is no longer difficult to be successful.
What does relationship mean? Relationship is not dependence, but equality. Children have something to say, and there are no taboos at home. There is a standard, taboo, some families do not allow children to do, or do not allow children to say anything. It is very easy in a family with good relationships. Children are like friends to their parents. Children can say anything when they have something. It is not because they are afraid to say that, because they are afraid to listen to music at home. Similarly, the words of Kazakhstan and Han will arouse the empathy of the family, and the parents will also see some of the strengths of Korean culture from the children's love of Korean things. This is the good side. It is a relationship of equality and mutual respect.
In the reality of such a relationship, you do not need to educate the child, because your aesthetics and values will be conveyed to him through such empathy. If Dad likes reading and has a good study, his son will collect books and will have his own study. Families with good relationships have no protection and hostility, and no barriers, so children are most likely to imitate their parents, so good relationships must precede education.
All parents who have brought children may have some personal experiences and feelings: In many cases, certain behavior problems of children are only manifested in the family and beside their parents. Changing the environment and changing the person is very important. s difference. Outside was a little sheep, and when he returned home, he became a little mad cow.
In developed countries and regions, such as Canada, the United States, and Hong Kong, China, psychiatrists and counsellors believe that children's abnormalities are caused by parents 'inability to play their parents' roles well. On the one hand, they open parent schools to help adults learn to get along with their children. On the other hand, they also treat children with this disorder to be admitted to the hospital. They are keen to use a good parent image to help children out of the disorder.
Although this method has alleviated the troubles and conflicts within the family to some extent, it has "produced a large number of child patients who are homeless".
Take down the wall in your mind
The family therapist does not agree to isolate the child from his parents, and believes that the child's "mutated" behavior is just a kind of "adaptive behavior" that gradually develops in contact with parents. Therapist Minyuqin proposed through observations and conversations that “the methods of parental control of children are mutually offset, and one plus one is equal to zero.” Indeed, in my clinical treatment, I found that many children ’s psychological or behavioral problems are inconsistent parental views , But all have to fight for the right to education. Contradictory education methods will make children feel that they are wrong no matter what they do. Over time, they will develop a "chaotic" behavior to escape this dilemma.
Psychologists advise parents to follow three principles when dealing with their children:
The first is to listen actively, wait for the child to finish and say clearly, and sometimes think about it, don't listen to the wind and rain, and be busy correcting it.
Second, we must pay attention to the relationship with children, do not only focus on education , and do not over-educate when the relationship with children is not good, doing so will only cause rebellious psychology. In general, a good relationship is better than a "good" education.
Third, parents must avoid contradictory information when they are educating their children, and they must not be in the dark. If the opinions of the two parties are different, they must avoid their children to discuss. At the same time, there should not be too many rules in a family. A few rules are easy for children to follow. It's not that difficult to educate a child!
There are many theories in psychological development, but more theories are a variety of theories that children are not good or bad. Good and bad are derived from the idea of our adults. After an educational idea, use that kind of thinking to observe your child, including analyzing his behavior, to get right or wrong.
But first of all, we must analyze this tool. Do you accept that such a value-oriented education concept can truly represent the interests of all children, or whether it is the only way of observation or the correct way? Just like we take a ruler to measure something, if we don't study whether the ruler is standard at all, can we measure a thing clearly? It definitely won't work.
Parents should study what kind of ruler our educational philosophy is. Such a ruler may be accurate when measuring something, and may not be accurate when measuring something. This involves mainstream culture and non-mainstream culture. In the difference. For example, the disadvantaged group, the children of the disadvantaged group live in a disadvantaged environment, what if we measure it with a strong culture?
There are many problems that we can see, and many children's problems can be seen from the perspective of parents. In fact, the relationship with the child is greater than the education of the child. It is assumed that this child is a very good child and is a kind and caring child. If we accept this assumption, we will be relatively assured of the child and we know that the child will make a fit. There are some choices for his growth, and parents will not replace them.
Anqing No. 4 Middle School (gh_1fa8edbd7e89)