Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream
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"Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends." ~ Shirley Maclaine
"Fear makes strangers friends."-Shirley McLean
Up until a year ago, I saw the world as a place where very few doors opened for me. At first I thought it was due to being extremely introverted. But as time went on, I started to struggle with making friends.
Until a year ago, I thought life gave me too few opportunities. At first I thought it was because I was too introverted, but over time, I started to struggle with making friends.
I didn't have many of them—and opportunities only knocked a few times a year. That's when I realized my problems stemmed from my passivity and fear of actually going out and talking to people.
I don't have many friends-there are few poor opportunities to make new friends every year. Then I realized that the problem was due to my own passiveness and the fear of going out and talking to people.
My few closest friends always told me to join a club or go to parties. People always told me where to meet people. But they never really showed me how to actually create conversation.
Several confidants around me have always told me to go to club events or parties. They kept telling me where to meet people. 。 But they never told me how I could start talking to strangers .
On top of that, I never really liked going to big social gatherings. I'm introverted and tend to be overwhelmed when a lot of people are around. I like talking one-on-one.
In addition, I have always disliked going to large social gatherings. I am very introverted and feel stressed when there are many people around me. I like one-on-one communication with people.
So I decided to do things my own way. I started talking to strangers on my college campus and in the city because I was tired of staying on the sidelines.
So I like to do things in my own way. I started chatting with strangers in school because I was tired of being a bystander.
It was scary for a naturally timid person like me, but I decided to fight the fear.
For people who are born timid, like me, this is a very scary thing, but I am determined to overcome my fear.
Great things come to those who are willing to risk rejection and put themselves out there.
Good things come to those who dare to face others' rejection and force themselves to communicate with others.
After two months of doing this, I made some great friends, simply by starting conversations.
After doing this for two months, I made a lot of great friends, just by simply starting a conversation with them.
It's an empowering mindset to be able to create conversation with potentially anyone. There is always the choice to talk to whom I want to talk to.
This is a positive attitude to start talking with strangers. We always have the option to start chatting with those we want to talk to them.
I asked people what drink they bought from the coffee shop. I asked someone about her customized bike. I asked people to share opinions on things that affected me.
I asked strangers what they bought from the coffee shop. I asked people about her custom bike, and I asked people to share something that could affect me.
Some people opened up to me. Some people stayed shut down. Some of them continued talking about themselves when I put the spotlight on them. Others simply answered my question and left the conversation there.
Some people opened their hearts to me. Some people rejected me. These people eloquently talked about themselves when I set their sights on them. Others simply answered my question and left.
All of these interactions allowed me to understand how to engage with people. For example, I learned that tone and body language are more important than saying the right thing.
All these interactions with strangers made me understand how to communicate with people. 我知道了说话语调和肢体语言要比说什么事情更重要。 For example, I learned that intonation and body language are more important than what to say.
Through my experiences, I learned that people are usually friendly and happy to talk to you.
Through my own experience, I learned that people are usually very friendly and happy to talk to you.
I've been able to meet more people than I ever expected just by opening up to them.
After I opened my mind, I have met many more friends than I expected.
That's when I learned that it was up to me to be proactive and create my own doors instead of complaining that none were opening for me. It was up to me to create my own opportunities by connecting with people.
Then I realized that I should take the initiative to create my own door instead of complaining that God did not open a door for me. I should actively create opportunities to communicate with people.
Besides feeling more connected, I feel happier knowing that I have the power to talk to whomever I want to. More opportunities arrived by networking with others. For example, I was able to pursue photography with a new friend simply because I reached out and asked .
In addition to feeling more connected to people, I am also happy that I have the ability to talk to strangers. The more people you know, the more opportunities you have. For example, I can learn photography with a new friend after my simple request.
Here are the 11 tips I learned about turning strangers into friends:
I have summarized 11 personal experiences of how to become friends with strangers:
1. Say the magic word: "Hi."
Say the magic word "hello"
It sounds so obvious, but it's the first big barrier. You have to be willing to put yourself out there to start a conversation.
This is obvious, but it is the first big obstacle we encountered. You must be willing to start talking with others.
I noticed that people are welcoming after you break the ice. It's not something that everyone wants to do because it takes some courage to go up to someone you've never met before and start a conversation. However, more people are welcoming than we generally expect. When you encounter someone who isn't, remember that someone else will be.
I noticed that people would welcome you very much after the icebreak. Icebreaking is not something everyone wants to do, because it takes courage to come and talk to some people you have never seen before. In fact, however, you are welcomed by more people than we expected. When you meet someone who doesn't like talking to you, remember that others like you.
2. Detach yourself from the outcome.
Do not anticipate the consequences
When you don't expect any outcome, you won't be disappointed or offended if someone doesn't respond to you.
When you don't anticipate any consequences, you will not be disappointed or offended if a stranger does not respond to you.
There's a difference between perceived outcome and what actually happens. How many times have you worried about a worst- case situation only to find out that it turned out much better than you anticipated?
Everyone has a different understanding when anticipating the consequences and the actual situation. How many times have you anticipated the worst, but it turns out it's not as bad as you think?
If I don't expect any outcome from whatever I'm doing, then I can be in the present moment and adjust accordingly.
If I don't expect anything from what I do, then I can live in the present and adapt to it.
3. Tolerate rejection.
Allow Denial (Tolerate Denial)
If they reject you, it isn't about you. It's about where they are at mentally, so don't take it personally. If they passed up on the opportunity to connect with you, then they missed out on something great.
If they reject you, this is not your problem. It's because of their mental state at the time, so don't blame yourself. If they missed the chance to meet you, then they missed some great things.
Resident Evil 7
4. Don't mind what strangers think.
Don't care what strangers are thinking
This is your life, and you have the right to talk to whomever you want to talk to. Not everyone is that open. Allow them to be how they and think how they do, without letting it challenge your courage.
This is your own life, so you have the right to chat with anyone you want to talk to. Not everyone is so open. Allow them to have their own way of thinking and acting, but don't let their attitude affect your courage.
5. If you feel the fear, do it anyway.
If you feel scared, do it anyway
One of the best ways to combat the fear is to do it repeatedly. Push through the fear and it will start to feel more natural.
The best way to defeat fear is to repeat this thing that makes you fear. After you overcome your fear, you can face it more calmly.
The fear may never fully subside, but if you continue to battle through it, the momentum you create will be more powerful than the remaining fear. For example, when I feel terrified of approaching someone, I think back to a calming moment or a moment that made me laugh. Then, the fear didn't feel so daunting anymore.
Fear may not completely disappear, but if you continue to fight it, your morale will be higher than the remaining fear. ， 当我害怕接近某些人的时候，我会回想下能让我平静或者开心的过往。 For example , when I am afraid of approaching some people, I will think back to the past that can make me calm or happy. Then fear is not so terrible.
Don't worry if you seem a little awkward or aggressive at first. If your intentions are authentic, you will come across that way more and more each time you try.
If you look awkward or anxious at first, don't worry. Because if your intentions are sincere, you will overcome these psychological obstacles with more and more exercises.
It's just like any other skill where it gets easier with practice. A few of my first conversations with strangers felt scary and awkward, but they didn't do any harm. It made me learn what I needed to work on.
It's like other tricks that can become more and more proficient through practice. I also felt scared and embarrassed in my first conversation with strangers several times, but they did not hurt me. This let me know that I should continue to do this.
7. Make it about them.
Talk to strangers about things related to them
Talk about their interests, opinions, and ideas. Then respond to what they share.
Talk about their interests, opinions, and fresh ideas, and then respond to the topics they talk about.
The best way to keep someone interested in a conversation is to show an interest in their life. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Even if you don't know a lot about a particular subject, keep asking questions to understand them.
The best way to get someone interested in conversation is to show interest in their lives. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Even if you don't know much about what they are talking about, keep asking questions to get to know them.
8. Make them laugh.
Make them laugh
Laughter makes the conversation fun and joyful. People enjoy talking with others who make them laugh. So get out of your head and don't take anything too seriously—just have fun with it!
Laughing can make your conversation fun and happy. People like to talk to people who make them laugh. So let go of everything in your head and don't take everything too seriously-just enjoy the conversation.
9. Try to discover their core passion.
Working hard to tap into their core concerns
If you see their eyes light up when they talk about something, ask more questions about that.
If you notice that the other person's eyes light up when you talk about something, ask him more questions about it.
If you find a keyword that helps you figure out their interest, try to talk about that. For example, if I asked “How's the weather?” They say, “It's nice because and It's better to run in it.” Then you can go ahead and talk about running.
If you find a keyword that will help you find out what they are interested in, then try talking about relevant content. For example, if I ask, "How's the weather?" They say, "The weather is very good and it's perfect for running." Then you can talk more about running related topics.
10. Go out and smile!
Take the first step and smile!
Smiling gives a good first impression. Practice in the mirror. Then smile to the world.
Smiling makes a good first impression. Practice in the mirror and smile at the world!
I noticed that people relaxed themselves when I smiled first. When I continued smiling throughout the conversation, they smiled back and really opened themselves up to deeper conversation.
I noticed that when I first smiled, people would relax. When I smile throughout the conversation, they also smile at me and can open themselves up for deep conversation.
11. Imagine that the other person is already your friend.
Imagine this stranger has become your friend
This way you'll treat them that way instead of seeming awkward—and being comfortable around someone is the best way to start a new friendship.
In this way, you can avoid embarrassment like you do with friends-and making people feel comfortable is the best way to start a new friendship.
Take a chance today and talk to someone new. When you're friendly to someone, they'll most often be friendly back.
Take the opportunity today and talk to some strangers. When you are friendly to others, they are usually very friendly to you.
English source: Tiny Buddha, the copyright belongs to the original author.
Chinese source: CNKI academic search WeChat public number finishing translation
HowNet Jiangxi (CNKI-JX)