Millennium Tongzhou vitality north stream
Woman in Xinghua Village
We encourage close relationships between parents and children,
But if this degree is not sure, the child will be ruined.
Parent-child, better than distant son! This is not a pretense to pretend, if you have seen cases of heartache or sadness-anorexia, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia ... you will understand the painstaking words: those who are "intimate with children" "Parents often completely abandon their children, preventing them from achieving healthy development, and they have become psychologically and physically sick.
”一点。 So, for your child, you have to consciously stay away from your child.
Let the child "roll out" of the mother's quilt in a timely manner
If the child is 5 years old and is still sleeping in a bed with you, and he is going to squeeze a bed with you, then it is time for him / her to "roll out".
How to sleep is an important signal of family relationships.
If your family often sleeps three people in bed, or simply dad gives way to children and sleeps on the sofa by yourself, this may indicate that your family relationship is chaotic.
Dad lacks his due status at home, so it is naturally difficult for him to exert his power and function.
Of course, this also implies that the child is too entangled with his mother and is too close-if a child does not want to be separated from his mother, he is going to sleep in a bed with his mother. He / she cannot stand alone.
So, the first step of Tokoko: let the child sleep in his bed as soon as possible, instead of sticking to his mother's quilt.
If you have a hard time getting your child from your bed to his / her own bed, this may already be a reminder that your relationship with your child was too "close" before and requires you to consciously distance yourself a little.
Give your child space and do n’t "full" him
1. Trample the hearts of children with the banner of "love"
Is your child's room really your child? If it is arranged as you wish--
If the child gets messy, he will be scolded;
If the child can't invite the children to play, because the mother likes to be neat and clean ...
Well, the child looks like he has a room, but he doesn't have his own space.
In addition, when the child concentrates on playing, the mother asks to do something else;
The child looks at the tweed, and the mother lets the person look;
Children look at people, mothers let me see flowers ...
A friend said that she saw a mother and asked her child what to eat at noon today. The child said that the pizza, and the mother said, what is delicious in pizza. Let ’s eat fish head cakes and not give the child any chance to make a decision. The child decides.
Also, my mother always wants to help the child, such as the child grabbing toys, the mother hurriedly said, do n’t rush, do n’t rob, the mother buys one for you; for the child ’s loss, eagerly instill the child how to be pleasing and how to rush Better than children ... deprive children of the opportunity to solve problems themselves.
Keep your child full at all times and report to the children in various classes: painting classes, swimming classes, piano classes, storytelling classes, thinking training classes ... I'm afraid that the children will lose their time, do n’t leave them blank, do n’t Give children time and space to discover their interests.
Moreover, children who don't seem to be interested in fun: playing with mud, picking tree sticks, getting rained, laughing for no reason ... whenever this time, they poured their cold water, scolded them, and turned them from elation into a shudder.
If you are also a mother like this, then your child is completely occupied by "mother" and the child does not have his own time and space.
Adults often force children unconsciously. Unconsciously, under the banner of "love" and under the name "good for children," we trample on the hearts of children.
2. Crude pressure to "successfully abolish" children
If the child's resistance can make us awake, seeing our self-righteousness is actually interfering with and disrupting the child's growth, and quickly adjust and change our attitudes and ways of treating children, our level of parenthood will be improved.
The extreme situation is: if we firmly believe that the child is "disobedient", "disobedient", and even think that the child has a problem, we will force and brute pressure so that the child will do as we ask. The "obedient" child may It was really destroyed by my mother.
The mother succeeded in abandoning the child.
He / she is happy for her mother and gave up on herself! The price is that he / she has lost himself and is not able to take responsibility for his life.
I can't remember which master said it, but it is absolutely true: children grew up in places we can't see.
Give the child space, which means we have to distinguish between you and me, respect the child's heart, respect the child's space, and do not disturb the development of the child!
When it comes to being "distant", you have to have something else in life besides children. You can't focus all your life's joy, meaning, and value on being a mother.
If you have no other fun than children, if you have no other value than being a mother, you simply cannot be a "distant son".
Mom wants to make room for herself
The tears that shed in the mother's heart often flowed easily into the son's heart. Do n’t think that if you hide your child, you do n’t know if you are doing well or not. Someone knows better than you— the feelings of mothers often become the feelings of children.
Therefore, after the child is 3 years old, you must have your own space, whether it is work, hobbies or friends. In short, this unrelated space can allow you to communicate with other adults, can give you energy, get happiness, and make you more energy to be a mother.
Two gods fall from the sky
This also means that you can say "no" to your child. When you need your own space, your child must also learn to respect and accept the fact that he / she can't completely own the mother, and this is exactly encouraging your child to be independent.
Please do a multiple choice:
If you have a spare amount of money, just enough for you to choose one in a self-mind growth course or an early education class for your child that "does not lose the starting line", how would you choose?
I bet you will pick up an early education class for your child! Because mothers are usually willing to sacrifice themselves and put their children first. However, the best investment is to use the money for parents' own promotion classes.
At this time, mothers need to recharge themselves, and the best course for children not to lose on the starting line is to take no courses and play happily!
Mom is responsible for her emotions
1.Mom and child's emotions affect each other
"Mom is so hard, you are so disobedient!" ...
"Never stop, I'm angry!" ...
"Don't make me angry!" ...
The child seems to be dominated by our emotions, and we become slaves.
When they perform "good", we are in good mood; when they perform "bad", we feel that we cannot see the sun. Our emotions are good and bad, we go up and down with the children.
The influence is mutual, and we also turn the child into a slave. In order to make us happy, he / she may give up his fun and try to show "good" because that is what we like.
Emotions have also become our weapon to control children. However, you can't ask a slave to have no dissatisfaction, so sometimes the child inexplicably opposes us and makes us half annoyed.
2. The entanglement between mother and child is, after all, emotional entanglement
Mothers who are particularly prone to tangling with their children are usually anxious.
In other words, the child's things that make her angry, angry, and worried ... If she is a safe mother, she may not think it is a problem at all.
Anxious mothers ca n’t stand the child ’s low mood. Children ’s growth is a bittersweet thing, but they especially want the child to be “happy”. If the child encounters a little unhappiness, they are just like adults The enemy is intolerable.
The emotional overreaction of mothers often makes children fearful.
A mother who looks particularly gentle and kind may be the easiest to be nervous and timid. To avoid conflicts, they often overindulge their children and raise lawless children.
3.Mom should distance her from her child
Therefore, a mother must keep her emotions away from the child, and do not make the child responsible for your emotions.
This is your most responsible attitude and avoid imposing your problems on your children. What you can do is:
a. Remember your personality is an extremely important factor in the parenting process.
b. Don't "educate" your child when you are overreacting emotionally.
In the emotional state, most of us will lose some of our normal functions. At this time, you can't "educate" your child, but just vent.
c. Self-growth, improve your emotional distress, and don't let it hinder your ability to be a mother.
When you set an example of being responsible for your emotions, you can teach your child to take responsibility for his / her emotions. Teaching merits and jointly "improving emotional intelligence".
Son, how far is it?
Ikko is not about throwing your child far away. You have to draw a line with him / her. They have nothing to do with each other and let him survive. That way, the child will collect debts from you.
根本无法跟孩子分离，亲子不如远子这句话，更多是为她们说的；即便她们牢牢记着"远"，跟孩子的距离也比较近，需要挣扎和努力才能做到"远"。 Anxious mothers ca n’t be separated from their children at all. Parents and children are not as good as distant children, more for them; even if they keep in mind "distant", they are closer to their children and need to struggle and work hard to do it. To "far".
本来就不喜欢太过亲密的人际关系，你跟孩子的关系已经够远了—— If you are avoidant, you do n't like too close relationships. Your relationship with your children is far enough-
Avoidance mothers will simply throw the children to the elderly or nanny, and send the children to a kindergarten. The children cry so much that they are too lazy to deal with them and let the children end up on their own ...
What anxious mothers need to learn to do is easy for evasive mothers. The problem is that they can't establish a safe emotional connection with their children-
Then you need to work harder and get closer to your child: spend more time with your child, especially do more for your child, buy gifts for your child, hold more TA, learn to be more sensitive to your child's emotions ... you You need to learn how to be close to your child.
Far and near is a relative concept.
It means that the mother can realize the child's growth, change and needs, withstand the anxiety and worry, gradually let go, allow the child to be the master, allow him to grow up, allow him to not need a mother, allow him to make mistakes, take risks, leave us, and become Myself!
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THE END — — THE END —
Source: Parent-child camp
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