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Believe in children

Public number : Jiexing Eslite Source: Time: 2020-02-21 01:33:23

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In life, we often see parents or friends and relatives coaxing their children to play. Some are praises and encouragements, some are purely teasing children, and others seem to be patiently teaching children things. There is actually nothing to the child's growth. Substantial help, even in the long run, will even harm children.

Here are some common words that adults have used to coax their children. Have you ever told them?

what are you eating? Would you give me a bite?

Seeing children eating, many adults could n’t help but ask, “What are you eating? Give me a bite, too?” When the child hesitates or refuses, you might say: "Well, so stingy ...", if the child finally reached over the food in the end, many adults would wave their hands and say, "Thank you, I don't eat, you should eat it."

Seems like a normal thing in life, you may feel that it is just a joke with the child, do you really eat his stuff? In fact, in the eyes of children, there is no joke. Adults will take it seriously. Your refusal of goodwill is a kind of harm to the child. He will immediately lose judgment. Do you want to eat or not? You will feel that you are rejecting his sharing and sincerity.

Suggested approach: When the child shares it with you, don't refuse, then praise the child: "Thank you, you are so generous."

Baby, don't be afraid, the injection doesn't hurt at all!

Every time I take my child to be vaccinated, I often see that many children are crying before they can take their turn. Parents will always coax patiently at this time: "Baby, don't be afraid, It does n’t hurt at all! ”

Even adults know that the injection must be a little painful. So, shouldn't they coax the child to lie in front of the child? There are even some parents who deliberately urged the doctor to give a needle when the child was not paying attention. The results of it? The child really felt the pain without any psychological precautions and the adult clearly said that the injection did not hurt! Crying is natural. The most terrible thing is that the next injection will only make him more scared. This trick of adults to coax can no longer work.

Suggested approach: Tell the child in advance that the injection is a little painful, just like the mother poke you with your finger now (press the baby's arm with your fingernails, you can feel a little pain), but it will not hurt immediately if you persist for a little while . You can also encourage your child: "Try to see if you can't help but cry. If you can, you must be a very brave baby. If you can't help but want to cry, it doesn't matter. Mom is with you, don't be afraid."

Who hit my baby? Don't cry, mother fights it for you!

The child crashed to the table and fell, crying. The mother immediately rushed to hugged the child and coaxed: "Do n’t cry, baby, who knocked my baby down? Mom hit it for you!" Then, just to cheer the child happy, I reached out and patted the corner of the table a few times, then Say to the child, "Look, Mom taught you this, and dare to bully my baby after watching it!"

Do you often see such scenes? Especially when the older generation brought children, this was already a habit. But you have thought that a child has been planted with a seed of revenge since he was a child. It teaches the child to blame others when he is not happy, and to teach him intolerance and revenge. A child who has learned to use violence to solve problems since he was a child, do you still expect him to be a humble and courteous person?

Suggested approach: If it is only a minor collision, it is not a serious injury. Parents need not panic. Instead, he gently coaxed the child to help him rub it and told him: "It's okay, mother rubs it." When the child's mood is stable, he can also tell the child: "The small table is hit by you, it will hurt Yes, let ’s knead for it, too? ”

Wrong, this toy doesn't play like this.

With new toys, the child is happy and curious and can't wait to concentrate on researching there. At this time, the parents seem to be more anxious. They ca n’t wait for the child to fully learn it in one minute, especially when they see that the child has made a mistake or played incorrectly. Come on! "

If you make a mistake, the child will feel frustrated instantly. Aren't toys just for playing? So why must we pay attention to so many rules? The child's thinking is far more imaginative than an adult, and is not subject to any inertia thinking. Let him study quietly and seriously, and maybe he can play a lot of new tricks? And it ’s more fulfilling to study it than to be taught by hand, is n’t it?

Suggested practice: Let the child try to play as much as possible, and he can patience and guidance when he needs your help. Even if the child's method is wrong, they don't have to say "you're wrong" directly, but euphemistically say "Can you actually play like this?"

My baby is the most beautiful (handsome) in the world!

In the eyes of parents, children are always good for themselves, especially when the children look really good, some relatives and friends will inevitably say "baby, you are so beautiful (handsome)!" From time to time, Or maybe some parents ca n’t help but say to the child, “My baby is the most beautiful (handsome) in the world, no one can match it!”

When you say these things, you are actually telling your child the importance of appearance. His appearance will change over time. When one day he cannot hear such praise, he must be unconfident. And often boasting children like this, in fact, teaches children to judge others by their appearance.

Suggested approach: If someone praises your child's beauty, you can smile and nod, then ask the child to say "thank you". In ordinary times, such as when reading picture books or chatting together, instill the thoughts in a timely manner to children: the appearance of a person is not the most important, everyone has his most beautiful place, only the inner beauty is the most permanent.

Your mother is not here, don't tell her I gave it to you!

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In order to please the child, some relatives, friends, or grandparents often secretly stuff the child what the mother does not allow to eat while the mother is away, or allow the child to do things that the mother does not allow to do. It even acts as a child's umbrella, not only telling the child not to tell the mother in advance, but also to take the initiative to stand up and protect the child if it is found.

The education of children should be consistent with the whole family, and one person must have absolute control. If the mother has formulated certain requirements or regulations for the child, then others are better not to easily destroy it. This will not only teach the child to lie, but also affect the cultivation of the child's self-control.

Suggested approach: If the child wants to break the rules while the mother is away, you can say to the child, "Have you asked the mother? Does the mother agree?" Then stop gently. If the child is unrelenting, as long as it is not a major principle that must not be violated, you can actually try to get the child to contact the mother, help the child to get the mother's consent, or tell the child, if you do, wait for the mother to come Let's report truthfully to our mother together, we cannot hide it.

You can show everyone a show and give you candy!

Whenever there is a guest at home or a family party, children are always the focus of everyone's attention. Everyone around the children, constantly attract children with various temptations, "XX, give us a song, uncle has sugar here!"

It is a good thing to let your children show their talents, but it must be from the heart. If you use all kinds of benefits to promote your child's compliance, it is inevitable that your child will become a habit of giving in to a small profit and yielding to others.

Suggested approach: We can say to the child: "XX, all say you sing well, do you want to perform for us?" The child is a bit frightened, he can be encouraged appropriately. If the child is not willing, the adult should also respect his ideas Don't ask again and again.

Baby, look, what is mother holding?

Originally, the child was playing well there alone, and the parents were interested, and they always liked to ask the child like a series of questions, trying to attract children's attention. "Baby, what do you think it is?" "Baby, look at what mother is holding?" "Baby, what do you see there?" ...

Often, my mother complains to me, saying that when children usually do things, they are very attentive, for example, when they are doing homework, they think of doing something else without sitting for a few minutes. Attention needs to be cultivated little by little in life from an early age, try to let the child do what he likes, and extend the concentration time a little. If adults often forcibly interrupt the child's attention from time to time, right Not only will the child discourage enthusiasm, but it will also make it easier for the child to develop a bad problem of having difficulty concentrating.

Suggested approach: When the child is focused on doing something, it is best for the adult not to disturb easily, but to wait for the child's distraction before coming to do the above communication with the child.

No! No!

Children are curious about everything around them, and they have the desire to try things themselves. For example, many children like to grab and play with rice, but adults find this too unhygienic, so the first reaction is to prevent: "No, you can't grab it with your hands, it's too dirty!" Or the child wants to open the tap to play with water, parents Stop it again ...

If you have been saying "no" or "cannot ..." in your child's ears since childhood, the world of the child is dark, too many things are forcibly blocked by adults, and cruel to the child of. Children who are too “good” can hardly have the courage and confidence to try more new challenges when they grow up. Such “protection” by adults does not benefit the child's growth.

Suggested approach: Try to satisfy the child's curiosity as much as possible, and try to let the child try it once. For example, if a child wants to grab rice, then wash his hands and let him grab it. His curiosity has passed. No child will continue to be interested in this. Adults will be more guided.

If the child wants to try something that the adult thinks is very dangerous and unsuitable for the child to do, the adult may wish to accompany the child to try it and tell the child why the thing should be prevented through practical experience. For example, if the child has to touch a cup filled with hot water, he can tell the child: "The cup is hot, and it will be hot." Then let the child touch it and try to feel hot. After the child has tried it, he will try again later. I dare not touch the cup filled with hot water at will.

Let me do it!

The child wants to help wash the dishes. You say, "Don't move, let me come. How do you wash clean?"

When you go shopping in the supermarket, the child asks to pick up something. You say, "I'll do it. You can't lift it so much."

The child wants to take a bath by himself, and you say, "Let me do it, and save water everywhere ..."

In fact, we should choose to trust the child. Your phrase "Let's do it" not only indicates your distrust of the child's ability, but also undermines the child's self-confidence. Over time, children gradually develop the habit of relying on parents for everything, big and small.

Suggested approach: If the child is willing to take the initiative to do something, adults must encourage, support, and trust! Even if the child is not done well, they may even cause trouble for themselves. After affirming the child, you can euphemistically point out the deficiencies, and then encourage the child to do better next time.

A child is born like a blank piece of paper. There are no good and bad children in the world, only good education and bad education. All behaviors of young children are excusable, not the child's fault. When dealing with children, parents must pay more attention to and understand the children's psychological feelings, and teach according to their aptitude.

In short, scolding must have a reason for scolding to let him know why he was criticized; coaxing also requires coaxing skills, and the child's psychological changes must be fully considered. Parenting is not so simple. In addition to loving, you also need to be patient and devoted.


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