Is it worth it to wait with the truth of my life?
——Ji Xianlin's Transnational Love
After many years, Ji Xianlin's mind often appears in this picture.
Her name was Imgard, then 23 years old. She was the eldest daughter of the alumni Tian Wang's landlord Meyer when Ji Xianlin was studying in Germany.
In 1935, when the magnificent Ji Xianlin came to the University of Göttingen to study abroad, the rented house was on the same street as the Meyer's. A few months later, at noon, Ji Xianlin went to Mai's house for the first time at the invitation of Tian Dewang. At the dinner table, Ji Xianlin saw Imgard for the first time. She was a beautiful girl, showing a little shyness in playfulness. Since then, Ji Xianlin went to Mai's house every two weeks, and every time it was Im Gad opened the door for him. But for more than two years, apart from simply saying hello, they have no more communication.
In 1937, Ji Xianlin began writing his doctoral dissertation, and the dissertation had to be printed before being handed over to the professor. This is awkward for Ji Xianlin, because he can't afford a typewriter, and he can't type. One evening, when Ji Xianlin was revising his thesis in his study, there was a knock on the door. Miss Imgard visited him for the first time, which made Ji Xianlin feel anxious, and quickly hurriedly packed up the messy desk. "Mr. Xianlin Ji, my father's factory just eliminated a printer! And I just want to practice typing." Ji Xianlin jumped up happily, and he asked Imgard while finishing his paper: "You don't want to be very Well paid? I'm a poor student. "" Of course! "Said Imgard while helping to organize the manuscript. Ji Xianlin asked embarrassingly, "So, how much should I pay you?" Imgard laughed "Giggle" when she saw Ji Xianlin's overwhelmed expression. She said in blunt Chinese: "I want The reward is for you to accompany me to every corner of Goettingen. "Ji Xianlin could not help but feel relieved.
That is, after 7:30 pm every day from that day, Ji Xianlin would go to Meyer's house with a pile of books. After several revisions of the manuscript, the disorganized and boring Sanskrit text seemed to Imgard like a heavenly book, but she always printed these "sky books" with a warm and quiet smile. When Ji Xianlin felt irritable, she also comforted him: "You must treat your work as your beloved child, please treat it with a smile and sincerely!
One evening, Imgard suddenly appeared in front of Ji Xianlin. She wore a white woolen skirt and a red plush hat, standing on a thick snowy street, like a small snowflake drilled out of the white snow. Generally pure. "Mr. Xian Lin Ji, today is my birthday. My mother invites you to dinner." She turned and left after speaking. Ji Xianlin was sitting in the room for a long time, not knowing what kind of birthday present to send to Imgard. In fact, he couldn't afford a decent gift at all.
It was getting dark, Ji Xianlin had to go to the banquet empty-handed. The seat beside Imgard was empty, and Ji Xian hesitated for a moment and sat down beside her. "Happy birthday!" He sent his blessings in fluent German. When leaving, Mrs. Meyer asked Imgard to send Ji Xianlin. She kept sending Ji Xianlin to the corner of the street. They all felt that there was something in each other's heart that they wanted to say, but none of them said it first.
The attentive Mrs. Meyer saw the minds of the two young people, and she liked the handsome and elegant Chinese guy with a big heart, so if Ji Xianlin didn't come home to print the paper every few days, Mrs. Meyer would always find Reason to invite him to come home.
Whenever Imgard helped print a paper, Ji Xianlin always fulfilled his promise to take her to somewhere in Göttingen. On a warm afternoon, they head to the Town Hall Square and watch the pigeons fly under the bronze statue of a goose. On the evening after the rain, they take a walk on a path covered with leaves; sometimes they go to the cinema to see a romance Midnight movie ...
In the next 4 years, Ji Xianlin completed a multi-million-word dissertation with the help of Imgard, and they walked the streets of Göttingen. Imgard gave the best of youth to this learned and wise man, and her slender fingers stroked his words that later marveled China and the world.
One evening, the two met at a forest cafe in the east of the city. The hero was a 70-year-old couple. Imgard suddenly asked Ji Xianlin: "When we are 70, will you take me here for coffee?" Ji Xianlin bowed his head and said nothing. At this time Ji Xianlin was full of contradictions and pain. He thought: he would leave here at any time to return to China. If he stays in Göttingen regardless, he can of course join hands with Imgard for a lifetime and he will be happy. However, fulfilling foreign love means “abandoning” the loved ones in the motherland and hometown. Ji Xianlin's original intention of studying abroad was to return to China to serve the country after his studies were successful. Ji Xianlin made the final choice-to live up to Imgard, and returned to China after his studies.
Let the passage of time slowly dilute everything. After all, Imgard is so young and beautiful, after all, there are better men to take care of her life ...
That night was no different from countless nights in years. Imgard looked extraordinarily lively and beautiful. Ji Xianlin's return date had been set, but he didn't know how to speak to Imgard. Until 3 am, the thesis was finally finished, and Ji Xianlin said softly, "Imgard, are you tired? Let me rub your shoulders ..."
Imgard closed his eyes nicely, his expression looked like a child who had passed the first test, waiting proudly for the reward of the adult. Ji Xianlin walked over gently, his hands resting on the shoulders of Imgard were shaking. "I'm leaving, my country needs me ..." He finally said this.
Imgard's shoulders shook violently. This strong woman cried in tears and begged: "Stay here? I need you too!" Ji Xianlin raised his face to prevent tears from flowing, and he shook his head in pain. He said, "This is just my second hometown. I want to go back to my country ... After a pause, he said," Ms. Imgard, there must be a man who is better than me and loves you more. He is willing Always be by your side to take care of your life. "Imgard said nothing, she wiped away her tears, tried to squeeze a smile, and at the end of the manuscript, typed a line:" All the way! But don't forget. "Ji Xianlin will never forget this day: October 2, 1945.
Four days later, Ji Xianlin left Göttingen and arrived in Switzerland. He wrote a late farewell letter to Imgard, hoping again that she would find a suitable man to fall in love and marry, and then join hands for life. Imgard quickly wrote back, hoping that he could keep in touch with her after returning to China.
After returning to China, Ji Xianlin did not write a letter to Imgard. He thought: "Since it is impossible for him to return to Göttingen, and since he cannot love the life of Imgard, he might as well This breaks the message.
How much I missed and hurt, and buried Imgard in my heart is the only thing Ji Xianlin can do for many years after that. However, how many times at midnight dreams, or when reading the thesis written in Germany that year, Imgard's figure will clearly appear in front of him and linger. Waka cannot search
In November 1980, Ji Xianlin led a Chinese social science delegation to visit Germany. Göttingen was the last stop of the visit. Under the tall bronze statue of the girl holding the goose, the white pigeons fly like before. After returning to his place 35 years later, Ji Xianlin felt that he had suddenly returned to his youth, and the beautiful Imgard seemed to playfully hide behind him.
On the last day of his stay in Germany, accompanied by his assistant, Ji Xianlin came to the door of Imgard's house. A familiar and unfamiliar house was right in front of him, with bright flowers still standing on both sides of the steps. Ji Xianlin hesitated for a moment and walked up the steps. When he raised his hand to knock on the door, he jumped up. "The door must be Imgard!" He thought with excitement. "For decades, vicissitudes have changed, and now we are all gray-haired. But I must be able to recognize her." The door opened. A short and strong middle-aged woman, Ji Xianlin's eyes suddenly dimmed. He asked, "Is Imgard in?" The other person said politely, "I'm sorry, I don't know Imgard." The indifferent and unfamiliar answer made Ji Xianlin burst into tears. He apologized softly and walked down the hungry steps with the help of his assistant. It seems that it is impossible to meet again in this life ...
Ten years later, Ji Xianlin, who has been hiding this relationship deep in his heart, finally mentioned Imgard for the first time in the book "The Decade in Germany" ...
Is that beautiful, kind and pure woman who has been hiding in Ji Xianlin's heart long ago, or is she hiding in a remote corner? In 2000, when a female director of Hong Kong TV filmed Ji Xianlin's biographical film, she made a special trip to Göttingen to inquire about the whereabouts of Imgard. Fortunately, Imgard was still on the earth.
Still in the house that Ji Xianlin revisited in 1980, this time the door opened was a woman with silver hair and a rose red dress. She smiled and greeted the guests with a smile: "Hello! I'm Imgard "Are you a guest from China?" The female director asked excitedly: "Do you remember which Chinese student Ji Xianlin 60 years ago?" Imgard hesitated for a moment, and tears fell down: "It is Xian Lin Ji Right? "We all called him that. I've been waiting for his news. Is he okay? "When I learned that Ji Xianlin was still in the world, and he was also a highly respected master of Chinese studies, Imgard smiled with relief:" I know, he has always been so good. "
White tablecloth, silver-gray old typewriter, and a small square stool and a dark blue sofa are arranged in front of the table ... Imgard said: "Look, nothing has changed. The furrow has been waiting for him to come back. My fingers are still Diligent and flexible, I can even type! "
It turned out that after Ji Xianlin had left Göttingen that year, Imgard had been waiting for him to return. Although she never heard from Ji Xianlin again, she still insisted on waiting and never married. She has repeatedly wanted to go to China to find her sweetheart, but she was blocked by her parents. When her parents passed away and she finally became the master, Imgard was concerned again: "Xian Lin Ji has never contacted me. Maybe he already has his own lover and family in China. If I rush to That may hurt more people.
In the end, Imgard chose a lone guard. This stubborn and tenacious woman, accompanied by an old typewriter, waited for 60 years. For Ji Xianlin, she paid for her life and love.
But destiny is sometimes like an abominable puck. When Ji Xianlin returned to Göttingen, Imgard actually lived upstairs in the original room. Unfortunately, the new residents who lived in her original room did not know her. In this way, Ji Xianlin and Imgard passed by.
But now, the ruthless time has worn out the best days and made them tired, and it is impossible for the two old men to meet again across a distant space ...
Mr. Ji Xianlin was interviewed by reporters. When referring to Ms. Imgard, he said, "I'm afraid there are not many people who can think of her in the world. When I can't think of her, people in the world can think of her. I'm afraid it's gone. "
He also said that on the 90th birthday, I received a photo sent by Imgard from Göttingen. The photo was full of silver hair and an old man smiling dignifiedly and quietly. Here comes a warm consolation.
Today, Ji Xianlin often talks to her with pictures sent by Imgard. Looking at the greeting behind the photo: "How are you?" The gentleman would answer softly: "I'm fine! "
A person who has been alone under the pressure of all rumors and idiots has waited for a lifetime,
I feel pain and guilt all my life,
Why is true love like this?
Is it worth loving someone like this?
What is the meaning of love?
No one can explain ...
(This article is reproduced from the public account "Republic of China", WeChat: minguowenyi)